Friday, November 09, 2007

war of the leaves

The guy who invented the leaf blower should be canonized and proclaimed the Patron Saint of Defoliation. I love my leaf blower. Actually, blowers, since I have two of them, one here at home and another one at the cottage. Leaves are everywhere and a guy has to be prepared to do battle at all times. A couple days ago I went to the cottage to wrest control of the lawn back from the carpet of fallen leaves and had a wonderful time, just me and my blower and the sunshine and cool autumn breeze blowing in the same direction I wanted the leaves to go. I was in heaven. The new patron saint was at my side.

Yesterday I did the same thing here at home, but with an added dimension that only a certified lawn control freak could appreciate. I got out my trusty leafblower and the 200 feet of power cord necessary to reach the far ends of my world and blew those leaves into a manageable area. Then the coup-de-grace--I fired up my super duper overcompensating macho lawn tractor with the 38" ultra mulching blades (yes, blades, plural) and attacked mercilessly that accumulated pile of Fall's Finest. Ground those little suckers into confetti. Mulched those lawn suffocating mothers into smithereens. Carved a swath through that pile like a true lawn warrior. I finished with a grin of satisfaction decorating my windblown face. There's nothing quite as satisfying as beating Mother Nature into submission. My manhood was intact and even somewhat inflated.

Two hours after completing the latest skirmish in the war against Autumn's leafy legions, while enjoying the afterglow of my victory, I made the mistake of looking out the window to once more admire the pristine conditions of my leaf free yard. My manhood was deflated, my sense of accomplishment destroyed. Wiley old Mother N. brought out thhe reinforcements. The battlefield was once again under the control of a new blanket of fallen leaves from the seemingly neverendng supply on the two huge Maple trees in the front yard. I had only won a short term respite in the ongoing War of the Leaves. Mother Nature is one tough old bitch.

The battle continues....

1 comment:

Artistic Soul said...

Ugh. I hate leaf blowers. Of course that could be because the landscaping guys are always out blowing leaves when I seem to be sleeping. :)