Monday, July 28, 2008

shoot em all

I can relate to this. Last week a man was so pissed at his lawnmower for not starting that he got his sawed off shotgun and shot it. Dead. Filled it full of holes. He was subsequently arrested for illegally discharging a firearm in the city and charged with possessing an unlawful shotgun. His reasoning when questioned by police—“it’s my lawnmower and my yard and I can shoot it if I want to.” The police were not amused. The guy could possibly be sent to jail for several years if convicted on those charges.

How often have I wished for a shotgun or some other incendiary device to rid myself of a balking machine? If I had a gun handy for all those past encounters with a failed lawnmower, power tool, or appliance, I would be surrounded by piles of dead, bullet riddled scrap metal. And there would be a special place reserved in hell for those electronic devises—computers, printers, cell phones, you know what I’m talking about--that failed and were subsequently destroyed by machine gun fire and obliterated by hand grenades.

It is probably a good thing that I have no firearms or other weapons at my disposal. It would be too easy to use them when the frustration of dealing with those dastardly devices began to get the best of my good nature. I am a nonviolent person for the most part, but I can see my using weapons of mass destruction on all those uncooperative machines that have plagued my life. It might be satisfying to destroy them at the time, but they would only be replaced by others of their ilk anyway. So instead of shooting those machines full of holes, it might be better to just let them sit rusting and unused. Serve them right for messing with me. Besides, I don’t think spending time in jail for shooting my lawmmower is how I want to be remembered.

No comments: