Saturday, December 06, 2008

cry uncle

Winter wonderland, my ass. Winter nightmare is more like it. Here we are only just getting used to the fact that it is December and I’ve worn out a snow shovel already. It seems that it has snowed every other day so far this month and the all knowing seers and prognosticators on TV with their fancy weather maps and gleeful look in their eyes are saying that more of the dreaded white stuff is on the way again. So I’m crying “uncle” already. Give me a break. I do not want to suffer through an endless whiteout for the next four months or so.

I understand that some people actually like this kind of weather. They jump into their long underwear and happily slip on their boots and rev up the snowmobile or wax their skis and joyfully dive right into the snow. Freaking idiots. No sane person would willingly spend time outdoors in the winter. That’s akin to those fools who willingly jump out of perfectly good airplanes for the fun of it. Morons.

No, I will spend the vast majority of my time for the foreseeable future comfortably warm and cozy in my recliner with remote at hand and scnaaps to heat up my insides. The only reason I will have to venture outside is to clear the driveway of snow so that the ambulance can get to me when I have the heart attack from shoveling the snow in the driveway. God, get me through this.

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