Thursday, July 15, 2010

in praise of boxers

All my life I’ve been a tighty/whitey sort of guy. Your basic cotton briefs seemed normal if boringly ordinary. I never quite got the notion that “fashion” underwear was desirable or even necessary. I mean, who goes prancing around in public showing off his underwear? And there was always a certain amount of security when wearing briefs that Little Richard and his two buddies were safely under control, tucked securely into their snug little pouch.

But recently I gave up my faithful and utilitarian wiener wraps to try living on the other side. I started to wear boxers. What precipitated this fundamental change was a fundamental change in the weather. Summer arrived and it got hot. I don’t know why it took so long for me to realize that my trusty briefs were basically uncomfortable when the temperature rose above 72 and the dew points rose above 60 bringing a constant state of sweatyness along with those summery conditions. Cotton briefs absorb a copious amount of that sweat and tend to get overly clingy in the process. I know, not a pretty mental image.

So in an effort to alleviate the constant state of clinging tightness (no more grabbing my ass and separating the sticky material from damp cheeks) I opted for the less confining and more breeze friendly looseness of some boxers. Wearing boxers under my golf shorts has given new meaning to the concept of air cooling. And the angle of the dangle is totally unimportant since there is no restriction of movement as there is in those notorious briefs where seemingly constant adjustments and rearranging of the furniture was common.
And while I was a bit apprehensive about possible damage to the gonads and company while they flopped along merrily unfettered, that has proven to be an unwarranted concern.

And while I have yet to drag my pants down below my hips in an effort to show off my wonderfully plaid new fashion statement as is the current fashion in the younger set, I can’t help but wonder if people are trying to figure out why I have this contented grin on my face whenever the breeze picks up. Ahh, cool freedom. But if I start grinning from ear to ear whenever that breeze is there, you can be sure I’ve taken the next step. Commando.

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