Saturday, August 22, 2015

cruel


Cruel. That's what it is. A broken promise is cruel. Anticipation unrewarded when a promise has been made is the cruelest of all. I feel stomped on, dragged through the mud of disappointment, and left to bake in the steam of realizing that fate (or an especially cruel God) has done it to us again.
Mary won't be coming home tomorrow as they promised. Suddenly her white blood cell count spiked, indicating more infection. Now they are bringing in an infectious disease specialist to look her over and do some more testing because they just can't figure out where the infection is coming from. I feel like they are using her as a lab rat to experiment on.
And Mary is understandably down, frustrated and depressed about this latest turn of events. She just wants to come home and be done with all the poking and sticking of needles. She just wants to be normal again. And I desperately need her here to take care of me. We can take turns being each other's caregiver.
To add more ammunition to the doctors' case for keeping her there where they can monitor her every breath, is the fact that she is not eating enough to sustain life, as her doctor has told her. She just can't stand the thought of food, let alone forcing any of into her mouth and chewing and swallowing it. Until they are convinced that she won't starve to death, they will keep her there.
Yes the circumstances are cruel. The situation is cruel. The disease that has attacked her is cruel.
Life is cruel. When will we be free of all the cruelty? 

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